He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
