In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
