It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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