Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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