maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
