if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
