hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
