I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
