ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
