I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize