WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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