Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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