the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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