So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
