lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
