Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Randomize
