did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
