I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
