so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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