Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
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