I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
