Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
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