In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
