I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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