Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
