So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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