It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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