If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
