the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
