I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You smell like stripper and shame
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
