My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
