sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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