I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
