I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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