if you like me you must not know who I am
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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