We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
she told me i tasted like america
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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