my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
