I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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