My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
