mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
