well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My bed smells like the plague
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
