i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
