Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
