Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
