There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize