Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
