dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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