MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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