I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
