Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize