she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
