i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
