I never want to see another naked old woman again.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize