you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We had sex on a dog bed..
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
