It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
