drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
