he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize