I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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