My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
