Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
