why do cheetos always look like penises
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
