did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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