im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
