i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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