yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
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