I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
