i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
