um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
