she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
