We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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