like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
