just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize