There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
