the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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