I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
